subtle changes

Last night, the road was icy and slippery. It was the day before Christmas Eve. I asked Jin to come pick me up after work. He called me before 4:00PM. I told him it was too early. By 4:55PM, I tried to call him many times but nobody answered the phone. I called Chenchen's cell phone and still no answer. So I decided to go home by bus. I was a few minutes late. Luckily the bus was late too. By the time I got off the bus, it started to rain. Many times I almost fell due to the ice on the road. The rain got harder and harder. By this time, I was very unhappy. In my heart, I was blaming my husband for not answering the phone, and for not being able to pick me up. By the time I got home, my coat and my hat were all wet. And I was surprised not to find my husband at home.

About 10 minutes later, my husband arrived home, with a big "unhappy" showing on his face. I went to ask him why he didn't pick up the phone. He said he forgot his cell phone at home. He circled around PMU and STEW Building many times and he even went into PMU hotel front desk and borrowed a cell phone to call my office twice. I asked him why he didn't call my cell phone, he did not say anything. I asked him: are you expecting me to say sorry to you for not being able to reach you by the phone and not waiting for you at one of the places we usually meet? He said: Sorry, please forgive me. Half of my anger and unhappiness was gone because he said sorry. The other half was still there because I did not see the sincereness when he said sorry.

Ok, so it was a pure miscommunication or lack of communication and both of us were unhappy. later on, I decided to cheer him up by tickling him and asking him: are you still mad? He said he was not mad in the first place.

Later in the evening, my nephew Chenchen told me: I did see some subtle change in Uncle Jin. He was amazed to see Jin say sorry to me tonight. If such misunderstanding or miscommunication happened before, he would not have said sorry to me and to let it go so easily.

I am seeing that my husband is learning to build the character of forgiveness in him. Oh, the power of forgiveness! When he knew that he was forgiven, he started to forgive others. Dear Lord, thank you so much for answer my prayer.

Back in October, sister Lei challenged me to ask God for something. I had not dared to ask God for something for a long time because of my lack of faith. Lei's challenge put me fidgeting for a few days until one day I prayed to God:

God, please work in Jin’s heart so that he will learn to forgive himself, forgive me and forgive Evan.

God, please work in Jin’s heart so that he is willing to learn new concepts and make changes in his lifestyle to improve our marriage (such as where should Michelle be sleeping, where and when should he be eating, when should he sleep; what should he be contributing to this family; what should he buy and not buy) In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen.

This is the best Christmas gift I ever had. Thank God for answering my prayer.

Mission Impossible: Four year's wait for a family photo

Have family pictures taken might be easy and enjoyable moments for you.

For me and my family, it is mission impossible.
Even since my youngest child was born, I had a hope, a wish, a desire in the deepest of my heart that is to have a family photo: with all five of us and all happy. In reality, it is mission impossible because in 2004 Evan was in China and in 2005 both Evan and Michelle were in China, and most of all, my husband hated me and did not want to have picture taken with us. Evan came back to live with us in 2006 and Michelle came back in March 2007.

A few brothers and sisters from the Lafayette Chinese Alliances Church tried really hard to reach out to my husband. They planned a trip to visit the Children's Museum in Indianapolis with my family. During the trip, Peter (brother Jen-I Chen) encouraged my husband to have a picture taken with me and the kids. My husband reluctantly did it. Thus came the birth of my first family photo:


















This summer (July 4th long weekend) we went to Cederville, OH to attend the retreat. On our way back, we visited the Air Force Museum at Layton, OH. Peter encouraged my husband to have a picture taken with me and the kids again. Thus came the birth of my second family photo:



















In December, an American friend gave us a Christmas tree and encouraged us to have a family picture in front of the Christmas tree. My husband agreed. Thus came the birth of our third family photo:



















Thank you Peter. Thank you Laura. Most of all, thank you LORD for working in my husband's life and help him walk out of depression. Thank you, LORD.

12/19/2008:

I want to share with you what happened this morning at my house: At 6:15am, my father-in-law waked us with phone call. Usually he alerts us with short ringing and we will call him back. While I was trying to connect, my husband was so nervous and was afraid that something bad might have happened to his mom or his nephew again. In the past months, his father was hit by a car and his shoulder is not completely recovered. His nephew fell from bunk bed and hurt his head and had left some unknown illness. Later his nephew was hit by a stranger on the head and suffers more in the head.

When we found out that nothing serious happened, only that Jin's nephew's English needs to be improved and needs to learn how to study English in a more effective way. Guess what? Jin said: “Thank God for nothing bad had happened”. I was totally surprised to hear "Thank you God" from his mouth! That was not my first response. My first response was "Ok. Now I can go back to sleep for another 10 minutes." (Now I felt ashamed of myself for not being able to thank God in the first time available.) Then I started praying. And Jin knelt down to pray silently with me. When I finished praying, he said: AMEN and he thanked me for praying for his family. Wow! This is the first time that both Jin and I prayed together for someone else. Praise God for his amazing work in Jin's heart.

July 4th: Trip to Layton, Ohio

Our whole family plus my newphew Chenchen went to Layton, Ohio for the annual Midwest Chinese Christian Retreat. Chenchen started to like the messages of the Bible. Praise the Lord!

I am a confident girl! I like being me!

Evan broke his arm

Before the last day of school, Evan fell from the ladder of the bunk bed and broke his arm.


Although I felt really sorry for his broken arm and all the physical pain he is going through, I thank God that it happened. because...

主的能力是在我的软弱上显得刚强!

在过去的一年里，有许多感恩的事发生在我的家，不写下来，我的心不得安宁。我虽然信主７年了，在学习如何做一个和神心意的妻子和母亲的过程中却常常背逆神，摔得头破血流才去向神认错，求帮助。但是神的恩典够我用，他的能力是在我的软弱上显得刚强。（林后１２：９）

我儿子金凡曾在中国我姐姐家中住了近３年。姐夫收入丰厚，姐姐辞去临时工作，全职照顾凡凡，导致凡凡有些娇气，不自立。凡凡４岁时回美国，要去面对一个忙碌而不懂如何教养男孩兼老二的妈妈，一个独立，喜欢控制人的姐姐，和一个忧郁症的爸爸。在过去的２年里，我花很多的精力训练凡凡自己穿衣服，吃饭，上厕所，洗澡，造成他很大的不适应，并用哭闹，生气来表达他的不满。现在他能自立地做好这些事，但是我和他的母子关系却有了问题。虽然我也跟他讲道理，让他明白为什么要自立，６岁的孩子要会做什么，他的情绪反应还是很大，我也会因着他发怒而发怒。到今年５月，我几乎不能忍受。我祷告求神让我出差离开家几天，冷静一下。５月２４日小学的暑假开始。５月２２日晚５：２５分，凡凡从高低铺的梯子上摔下来。２－３分钟后，我下班回到家。接下来的４８小时，除了医生和护士的穿插进出以外,我几乎是和凡凡单独相处的，在医院里，我跟神说：主啊，你知道这个孩子心里受了伤，需要妈妈的爱，妈妈的关心。你也知道我对金凡堆积了许多负面的情绪，心里想要逃避金凡，逃避作母亲的责任。神用了这样惨痛的方式来责备我，医治我和孩子。我只能说：主啊，对不起，请你原谅我。主啊，谢谢你的管教和医治。

看着孩子在痛，我心里对他所有的不满都烟消云散了，剩下的只是后悔和怜爱。接下来的２个月，孩子的断骨在再接生长，我和孩子的关系也在修复。主的能力是在我的软弱上显得刚强!

因为凡凡在家常常哭闹，生气，他的爸爸就越来越不喜欢他，甚至到象讨厌仇敌式的地步。以前我没有信心，也不知道要如何为这事祷告。我自己和孩子的关系理顺了之后，我开始试着为这事祷告。其间，圣经心理辅导员也一直在帮助我们。１１月初，凡凡牙齿疼痛，很多天不能上学。突然间我发现半夜里我先生给孩子们盖被子时，凡凡也有份了；表扬孩子时，凡凡也有份了；有一天，我先生还给凡凡借了他最喜欢的电影给他看。我知道这是神的手在做工。我真是没想到，神会借着这次牙齿痛来修补他们父子的关系。其实我早就该知道，在神没有难成的事，神的手也一直在做工。

The city of New Orleans

To see is to believe: the city of New Orleans does lie below the water level of the passing Mississippi River.














Jazz music is everywhere (although it is not my favorite type of music).














My first conference presentation starts with a poster session.














My favorite part of New Orleans are Banana Foster and the Garden of the Two Sisters.















We had to be on plane on Sunday. And there is Saturday evening mass in the beautiful Cathedral on Jackson Square so I had my first experience attending a catholic mass in person and guess what? The former British Prime Minister Tony Blair and his wife were also at the service celebrating their anniversary.

We are AWANA kids!

Joy, Evan and Michelle enjoy AWANA club very much. The funny thing is that many times Michelle was reluctant to leave her TV on Friday evening before we go to AWANA. But when we arrive at church and she starts her cubbie club activities, she always shows she enjoys every second of her club time. By next Friday dinner time, she will forget all about her fun time at AWANA and cry to leave her Noggin TV show at home.

Funny Hat Day at AWANA. (* AWANA stands for Approved Workman Are Not Ashamed. 2 Timothy 2:15 )

My first 8 Years in Logan, Utah 化装的祝福

鼎为炼银， 炉为炼金。唯有耶和华熬炼人心。

结婚前的我， 自以为有爱心，体贴人。 其实没有耐心，任性，骄傲，口无 遮拦。 上大学时跟美国老师学英文，读旧约圣经，只觉得那是神话故事，是虚构的，就这样轻易地 拒神于门外。

结婚后，先生要求我马上停职， 等待来美国和他团圆。我不顺服，看工作重过先生的需要，决定半年后再停职， 中间还一度想去别的州上学， 惹得我先生对我怀恨在心. 我来美国的2个月前，先生的妹妹因肚子疼痛去医院，医生诊断为阑尾炎，半夜立即开刀。手术后16个小时吐血身亡。这是我第一次亲眼看着一个人去世，而且她只比我大一岁。我第一次感觉到生命的脆弱和渺小。因害怕先生飞回国找医生报仇就暂时隐瞒。来到美国，却发现先生沉迷电脑游戏，耽误了学业。妹妹的不幸去世更使他消沉。我苦苦劝说根本没有任何作用。夫妻关系也僵硬如冰。我不想在这样痛苦的婚姻中继续下去， 却也不甘心放弃自己选择的婚姻。发现自己怀孕后更想挽救这段婚姻。我越劝他放下对医生的仇恨和对游戏的沉迷，他就越玩得离谱，并在口舌上把我当做他发泄仇恨的对象， 令我十分痛苦。2000年夏天的一个晚上，我实在受不了了。我跑到黑黑的星空下，对天空说：“如果这个世界上真有一位神， 请你来救救我，救救我的婚姻。 ”

后来有一天我去同学家，遇见了一位台湾来的姐妹。她见到我就说， “你就是天红呀。我去你家多次，想找你聊天，只是都不巧没遇见你。今天很高兴见到你。今天晚上，我家有聚会，有点心，有唱歌，有美国朋友一起讨论问题，欢迎你来。” 那天晚上，我去了。真的有唱歌，有点心，还读了《约翰福音》，讨论有没有天堂。我说我只关心今生过得开不开心， 我才不管人死了以后有没有天堂。他们很耐心地听我讲。聚会结束时，送了我一本圣经， 还为我祷告，祝福。 接下来的一周， 我的先生好像对我温和了许多。我的先生建良不玩游戏时是个很好的先生。我心里在想：“是祷告的缘故呢，还是凑巧？”有空时， 有一股力量吸引我去读那本圣经。 两三个月下来，我读完了新约，不包括〈启示录〉。也固定去姐妹家查经。那时我的痛苦的来源之一是忧虑， 担心将来的事；另一个来源是看着先生处在痛苦中却没有办法帮助他的深深的无助感。新约圣经 马 太 福 音6：26，27，34中记载耶稣说：“你 们 看 那 天 上 的 飞 鸟 ， 也 不 种 ， 也 不 收 ， 也 不 积 蓄 在 仓 里 ， 你 们 的 天 父 尚 且 养 活 它 。 你 们 不 比 飞 鸟 贵 重 得 多 吗 ？你 们 哪 一 个 能 用 思 虑 使 寿 数 多 加 一 刻 呢 ？所 以 不 要 为 明 天 忧 虑 。 因 为 明 天 自 有 明 天 的 忧 虑 。 一 天 的 难 处 一 天 当 就 够 了 。
使徒保罗在 腓 立 比 书4：6－7说：“应 当 一 无 挂 虑 ， 只 要 凡 事 借 着 祷 告 ， 祈 求 ， 和 感 谢 ， 将 你 们 所 要 的 告 诉 神 。神 所 赐 出 人 意 外 的 平 安 ， 必 在 基 督 耶 稣 里 ， 保 守 你 们 的 心 怀 意 念 。”
看完新约，我考虑了一阵，想耶稣是骗子，疯子，还是神？是骗子，就不会有那么多一代接一代的信徒。而且哪里有疯子又讲智慧话，有怜悯医治各样的病人？我愿意接受耶稣是从死里复活了的神的推论。接着读旧约，就有许多的疑问：神既是慈爱的，为什么允许苦难存在，他的意念真地是赐平安的意念吗？如果耶稣是神， 为什么又说是神的儿子， 让人困惑呢？吴姐妹鼓励我先信，让圣灵来带领我，解答我的疑问。耶稣的真实令我无法否认和拒绝。 2001年3月，我接受耶稣做我个人的救主和生命的主。2001年4月，我受洗归入基督的身体。

这6 年来， 主很真切地让我感受到他的慈爱，他的权能，和他的智慧。举几个例子为证：
1. (有关为人之道的经历) 信主后，圣灵提醒我，让我看见自己的忧愁，骄傲，不饶恕，和不忍耐。 信主后的头2年，我祷告主，将我大大小小的忧虑告诉主耶稣， 来依靠主，放下忧愁。2年下来，我可以靠着祷告，面对困境，睡得着，吃得下，有正常的生活。 2002年到2005年，我很痛苦地很慢地意识到神允许不如意或痛苦的事发生在我身上，使我有机会看见自己的软弱，骄傲，无爱心。在我没有力量去爱人的时候，我求神用他的爱来浇灌我，充满我，使他的爱可以从我身上流出去。在我不能饶恕人的时候，主耶稣提醒我他是如何饶恕钉死他的人。在我忍耐不下去的时候，主借着诗歌，弟兄姐妹的关爱，和他的话语，使我可以有信心去等待，去盼望。在我不忍耐，乱发火，把事情搞得不可收拾时，神用他奇妙的方法，挽回我先生的心意，让他可以包容我的过失。我终于可以相信神向爱他的人所怀的心意是赐平安的心意，并可以接受保罗的这句话：“万事互相效力，使爱神的人得益处。”如果有人问：“相信神，我能得到什么，我会失去什么？”我的经历和千万基督徒的经历告诉我们：相信神，我得到永远与神同在的生命，无论顺境或逆境都夺不去的平安和喜乐； 相信神 ,我失去的是我的骄傲，忧愁，没有爱心，没有怜悯。这个脱去骄傲，忧愁，自私的过程是要付代价的，那就是我必须自愿选择放弃我的骄傲，忧愁，和自私，当我选择放弃这些对我不好的秉性时，神就赐给我出人意料的平安和喜乐。
2。（有关天气的经历）2001年夏季女儿回到我的身边。那时我周六需上班做Graduate Assistant 。一天没有幼顾, 我就推着推车带她去上班。走到半路，她睡着了，天突然下起雨来。我切切祷告，求神让我们走地那段路的天空不下雨，等我们到学校了再下。已经打在身上的雨滴慢慢减少了，乌云移到旁边去了。等我们到了学校，磅礴大雨倾盆而下。我感谢主，保守我的孩子没有被大雨淋。
3。（有关学习的经历）我在USU读书时，每学期修3－4门课，每周工做20 小时，回家要照顾孩子。我的时间永远也不够用。有一次为了赶作业，决定不去周日的崇拜。结果，半天偷懒，半天赶做业，作业做得一塌糊涂。有一次，电脑编程的作业出现错误，东找西找，一行一行地找，就是查不出错在哪。我祷告主，赐我智慧，让我可以快快完成作业。祷告完，我的脑海里就有一个念头闪过，提醒我一个我没有试过的检测错误的方法。就这样错误找到了，改好了，作业也按时交上了。每一次有写文章的作业，我要等孩子睡着了，用祷告和诗歌使自己静下心来，求主赐我智慧。在祷告的支持下，通常3次时间就可以完成一片文章的作业：第一次，收集资料，整理头绪；第2次，按Logic写出body；第3次，修改，加上references。忙完一周的工作, 周5的诗歌和查经让我身, 心, 灵得到非常大的放松.
4。（有关身体的经历）边上学边工作边带孩子的日子，靠我自己我无法撑下去。我祷告主，保守我的身体，保守我的孩子的健康，保守她吃得香，睡得香，玩得开心。我在杭州时每年感冒好几次，还常常头痛。信主后的6年来，我感冒过两次。大女儿发烧过三次，一次在周间的半夜，等到天亮就烧退了。还有两次是在假日。我的儿子在中国是常常发烧。回到我们身边后，就没有再发过烧。 我生完喜喜坐月子时，着凉发冷发热，接着就咳嗽个不停，半夜醒来，咳到喉咙发痛也止不住。我趴在床上边咳边祷告，求神医治我，赐我健康，赐我安稳的睡眠。祷告完后，咳嗽就慢慢停下了，不久我就睡着了。咳嗽就一天一天的好转，直到复原。
5。（有关找工作的经历）2006年夏， 那时我的博士课程读了一半，还剩一学期的课就可以做论文了。 家中收入突然减少，我就考虑找工作。我求神带我去一个有信仰纯正的教会的地方，一个让我可以认识神经历神更多的地方。我知道加州的Fresno ，犹他州的 Salt Lake City and Purdue 有华人教会。我就发 了3份简历。 我没有发表过文章，没有参加过会议，我知道凭人的标准，我找不到工作。我的学姐， 已拿到博士学位，找工做已有7个月了，还没找到。但我以往的祷告经历使我深信，我的需要我的神早已知道，他会为我预备，并要在最适合的时候给我。11 月，我收到来 Purdue 工作的许可, 12 月我修完课，可以离开ＵSU. 我知道这是神为我预备的。我深深地感谢我的神。

亲爱的朋友，相信神，我们可以得到永远与神同在的生命，无论顺境或逆境都夺不去的平安和喜乐； 相信神 ,我们失去的是我们的骄傲，忧愁，没有爱心，没有怜悯。你愿不愿意来尝尝主恩的滋味， 经历他的慈爱和带领? 这么美好的礼物，你要吗？如果你想要，请跟你身边的基督徒朋友联系。谢谢大家。

Chinese New Year 2008: I made a square box lantern for Michelle, a triangle ship-like lantern for Evan. Joy made herself a puffy pumpkin lantern. How happy they are!
I best memory of my dad is when he made me a bunny lantern for my elementary school lantern parade.